READ THE FINE PRINT.

DISCHARGE INSTRUCTIONS FOLLOWING EAR OR TUMOR SURGERY
Don’t blow your nose for two weeks following ear surgery.

There it is printed, by a laser printer in crisp black font on this stark white sheet of paper. I have a few problems with how this is presented on this list. They should make that a smidgen bit bigger. They should have put this on a separate piece of paper, say a POSTER BOARD BILLBOARD for example, with big bold capitalized letters. Preferably, I think a flashing neon sign stating this would have gotten the message across. I feel that the concept would have been grasped with such clarity at that point that your average dumb blonde would have understood. Dumb who? Dumb me.

I had the pleasure this morning of getting up on a beautiful sunny day and started it off by gently blowing my nose with almost enough wind to move a dust bunny. HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF ALL SAINTS, I was frozen in pain and fear like I saw a rattlesnake. I sat there screaming silently. I thought my eyes were going to fall out and start a new life as marbles. I thought to myself, "did I just blow a fuse or fry an electrode or rip a stitch?" Moments felt like hours went by before I could move. However long it took, it really @#$%^&* hurt. Do yourself a favor, do not blow your nose, better yet, do not breathe through your nose, even better yet, forget that you have a nose. You can thank me later.

Lesson of today: Listen to what your doctor tells you, fine print and all.