Saturday, September 01, 2007

READ THE FINE PRINT.

DISCHARGE INSTRUCTIONS FOLLOWING EAR OR TUMOR SURGERY
Don’t blow your nose for two weeks following ear surgery.

There it is printed, by a laser printer in crisp black font on this stark white sheet of paper. I have a few problems with how this is presented on this list. They should make that a smidgen bit bigger. They should have put this on a separate piece of paper, say a POSTER BOARD BILLBOARD for example, with big bold capitalized letters. Preferably, I think a flashing neon sign stating this would have gotten the message across. I feel that the concept would have been grasped with such clarity at that point that your average dumb blonde would have understood. Dumb who? Dumb me.

I had the pleasure this morning of getting up on a beautiful sunny day and started it off by gently blowing my nose with almost enough wind to move a dust bunny. HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF ALL SAINTS, I was frozen in pain and fear like I saw a rattlesnake. I sat there screaming silently. I thought my eyes were going to fall out and start a new life as marbles. I thought to myself, "did I just blow a fuse or fry an electrode or rip a stitch?" Moments felt like hours went by before I could move. However long it took, it really @#$%^&* hurt. Do yourself a favor, do not blow your nose, better yet, do not breathe through your nose, even better yet, forget that you have a nose. You can thank me later.

Lesson of today: Listen to what your doctor tells you, fine print and all.

4 comments:

kw said...

hahaha! I don't mean to be laughing at your pain. . .My 18 year-old son had sinus surgery a couple weeks ago and blew his nose too hard one night. A couple long plastic tubes came out, then he got a nosebleed. He "forgot" he wasn't supposed to blow. It's so hard not to. I'm going in for CI testing soon and loving your blog. Thanks.

Jennifer said...

Oh, Abbie, I've been there and done that!! OUCH!!!!!! Blow GENTLY, dear...gently...although I know I don't have to tell you that...NOW, anyway.... (((HUGS)))

Sam said...

ROFL...I can't help laughing at how you describe it but I do remember how awful it felt when I HAD to do it since I had my surgery in the dead of the winter. Actually, if you can try to blow your nose like an athletic, that isn't too bad otherwise....um, I am sure you know how handy fingers are!

CDM said...

oh great! and I suffer from allergies....... ugh! Guess I should wait until oh... maybe summer time? Fall, allergies are active. Winter, my nose is constantly running... Spring, allergy season with all the pollen and dust and whatnot flying everywhere.