Left vs. Right

I began to research the left vs. right brain theory. Primarily due to when I get the hardware installed, I was curious which side is dominant in speech development. I get that the left side of the brain controls the right side of the body and right side controls the left side of the body. Now Google might not be the most trustworthy source of information but I left my Grey's Anatomy book at Barnes and Noble. So Google will have to do for now. Grand Ol' Google has indicated that the left side processes language, logic, and organization. All the while, the right brain is used for artistic ability, emotions, tone, but no language center. Interesting.

My left side of my brain has been proactive in language and speech development with my hearing aid in my right ear all these years. It is a safe assumption since it houses the language center. On the other side, my brain has been inactive as far as auditory stimuli in my left ear, but that has not always been the case. I have auditory memory from when I use to wear a hearing aid in my left ear years ago. I cannot remember using the phone with my left ear. Throughout my cochlear implant candidacy, not one person suggested to implant the right ear since it houses the language center. It was suggested that I do my right ear on the basis that it has more stimulation but either ear was up for grabs. Did I pick the wrong ear to do first?!

Now my left hemisphere wheels are turning. When the implant is activated in my left ear, my right side of my brain is going to be in for a rude awakening. Am I going to have difficulty understanding speech? Does this mean that I will appreciate music and sounds of nature more then the spoken word? Albeit I have the auditory memory, will my left side help my right side remember? I am going to snoop around and ask some left ear implantee's how well they have done.

This is a far-fetched hypothesis created by daydreaming through a thunderstorm. Bear with me. I am curious if dominant sides of the brain and the ear chosen have anything to do with how well a person responds to a cochlear implant. Does a dominant left or righter's have an easier time adapting to a cochlear implant? If your left hemisphere were dominant, would you benefit from having the implant inserted in your right ear? I would think a person would excel beyond expectations in that case. If your right hemisphere is dominant, does your music appreciation increase while your speech discrimination is hanging in the midst? I have not the foggiest idea. What if both sides of the brain aided speech discrimination with just one cochlear implant installed in either ear? Now that would be the ideal situation..... on paper.

Time for me to find out which side is dominant! I have taken four online tests to determine which side of my pretty little head is dominant. All four tests came out I use each side equally. I am perfectly balanced. :) 50/50. Half-and-half. Even steven. Here are the results from one of the tests.

Abbie, you are one of those rare individuals who are perfectly "balanced" in both your hemispheric tendencies and your sensory learning preferences. However, there is both good news and bad news.

A problem with hemispheric balance is that you will tend to feel more conflict than someone who has a clearly established dominance. At times, the conflict will be between what you feel and what you think but will also involve how you attack problems and how you perceive information. Details that seem important to the right hemisphere will be discounted by the left and vice versa, which can present a hindrance to learning efficiently.

In the same vein, you may have a problem with organization. You might organize your time and/or space only to feel the need to reorganize five to ten weeks later.

On the positive side, you bring resources to problem solving that others may not have. You can perceive the "big picture" and the essential details simultaneously and maintain the cognitive perspective required. You possess sufficient verbal skills to translate your intuition into a form, which can be understood by others while still being able to access ideas, and concepts that do not lend themselves to language.

Your balanced nature might lead you to second-guess yourself in artistic endeavors, losing some of the fluidity, spontaneity, and creativity that otherwise would be yours.

With your balanced sensory styles, you process data alternately, at times visually and other times auditorially. This usage of separate memories may cause you to require more time to integrate information or re-access it. When presented with situations that force purely visual or purely auditory learning, increased anxiety is likely and your learning efficiency will decrease.

Your greatest benefit is that you can succeed in multiple fields due to the great plasticity and flexibility you possess.

That about sums me all up.

Opus of the Plague

At this point, I wish I was a computer equipped with satellite-shielded speakers, which are immune to interference. I feel like my ears are vintage computer speakers that are affected by electronic interference of something as simple as a remote control! It sounds like I have a AM radio station in my ear. I suffer from tinnitus. This episode that I am currently having in my ear is driving me BONKERS for the past week. It sounds like the inside of a seashell is inside my head amplified ten times.

*banging head on desk*

I feel like this cat right now.

You would think I would be use to this by now since I have had tinnitus since I lost the rest of my hearing in my left ear. It never use to be this bad. I use to have a well-behaved left ear. I use to be able to lay me down to sleep and wake up with ears that have normalized overnight. The older I am getting these cacophonic episodes have gotten longer, louder and diversified in sound. It only affects my left (dead) ear but it is so loud that it actually takes over my other ear. The sounds range from this lovely melody of the ocean that I experiencing right now to buzzing, beeping, hissing, whooshing, and roaring. It is the opus of the plague to me.

Peculiar things would start the onslaught of pungent noises. If I cracked a piece of hard candy with my jaw a certain way, the music begins. I have learned since then to stop chewing hard candy since I do not want to end up with old English men teeth. If I was horsing around and just happen to land on my feet just so, here comes the static. Cold weather brings it on regardless if I wear a hat on my head or not. It comes on for no reason too and can last for up to over a week. Why? why? why?!

I do not remember me putting my John Hancock on a piece paper allowing my head to be the host of a foreign sound taking up residence in my auditory system. Who do I have to call? Tinnitus Busters?

On a brighter side, I got two more weeks to go until my surgery. Yee-haw!!

Gold Mine of Audio Books for FREE!

I have to share this amazing website with you guys.

Auditory Rehabilitation is of the utmost importance after getting a Cochlear Implant. After I get the surgery and then turned on, the rehab starts. It is the same process if you break your foot. After it heals, you have to do some physical therapy to get it back up to snuff. The same principles are applied with the ear. Tools like Books on CD and MP3 will help my brain get use to listening sounds out of my left ear again. I have to retrain my brain with the speech provided on the audio books that this is what speech sounds like while I am reading along with the book in my hand. I just have not looked at the library inventory yet.

What was I waiting for? I decided to go over to the library with a friend of mine. Instead of doing my usual gossiping with her, I decided to observe my surroundings for once. While she hunted down some sort of weird tomato book, I found the Adult books on CD section. I snooped around and started a mental inventory. In the corner of one of the shelves, a bookmark caught my eye that said Free Audio book Downloads. I snatched one up and headed back to work.

This is the greatest find for me since sliced bread or lincoln logs. I do not know which one came first for me. Anyway, the bookmark had a website, ListenNJ.com that I went to as soon as my fingers hit the keyboard. Shortly thereafter, I realized that this website is the answer to all my auditory rehabilitation. I am going to download the unabridged audio books and then check the book out in the library so I can follow along. How is easy is that?

Overdrive.com is a website that collaborates with libraries across the world to offer free Audio Books, E-books, Music, and Video. All you need to have is; a library card, download and install the free Overdrive Media Console software, and Windows Media Player 9 with the security update that can play the protected content. Depending on the audio book that you download, you can burn it to a CD or upload it to your MP3 player. Unfortunately, this does not work with Ipod’s or Mac’s. One day it will, one day. There is always ways around it. Here are the pertinent links so you can see if you can take advantage of this!

Search for your Library
Search for your library first and see if they offer free downloads.

Download the free Overdrive Media Console
This will download the content and play it.

Download Windows Media Player 9
In case you don't have it or you would like to upgrade.

Instructions on how to install the security update for Windows Media Player 9

I have complete confidence that I am not going to run out of rehab materials for quite some time.

Whoa, its 20 days away?!

Mood: Anxious

Since I was mainstreamed all my life, I have not had the opportunity to meet other hard of hearing or deaf people. I could count the ones I have met up on one hand. I lack the ability to sign. I can barely do the ABC's but I am a master at the big one finger salute. I never thought to seek out others like me. It was not until I started researching cochlear implants that I came upon all these sites full of people just like me. I never knew how comfort felt until I realized there are other people out there that feel the same way. Right down to the same quirky little habits that we have all unknowingly adapted.

For example, I have a habit of just smiling and nodding during a conversation. I get so tired of trying to follow the conversation because it is like watching the Wimbledon every single day. I hate tennis and I am in dire need a chiropractor :) People wonder why I have such a short attention span and tend to drift off in space. It is mentally exhausting to try to follow the voice. I opt to my mind my own beeswax. I love gossip but not at the lengths I have to go to get it. That is what PerezHilton.com is for.

It is nice to know that I am not the only one that dreads nighttime affairs with no floodlights underneath everyone faces. I cannot hear or see anyone lips without light so I end up sitting there looking like an anti-social hermit. Believe you me I am anything but anti-social. In fact, I am quite the quaint little social butterfly.

Another one is that when every one starts to laugh, I laugh even when I have no idea what they are laughing about. I detest looking like a pudding head, so I laugh. Even worse, I do not want to appear that I lack the sense of humor to enjoy a clever banter, so I laugh some more. It is a rotten feeling to discover what is so humorous after everyone else has enjoyed the moment. It ruins many a moments when someone has to explain what is so funny. It is just these little things that normal hearing people will never understand.

However, it makes me feel all sorts of warm inside when I get told that I act like that one would never know that I can't hear. It is 90% due to my super duper black belt lip-reading skills and the other 10% is the sounds I can barely hear. I teeter totter between planes of reality. I just don't know where I fit in.

I decided to go to the NYC Seaport Deaf Festival in New York on August 19 to see if I can meet some great people, learn about the deaf culture, and get some food while I am at it. I do not know the first thing about the deaf culture, but I am determined. I know more about the Spanish culture then I do about deaf culture. I cannot even begin to express how happy I am to have some wonderful friends that are going with me to support me. They are my rock stars :)

This honorary rock star is going to put down her drum sticks and close her eyes.

*YAWN*

Harmony makes small things grow, lack of it makes great things decay.

I am totally digging this quote.Harmony makes small things grow, lack of it makes great things decay.

I just came across it today and thought what a perfect title for my next entry! It is now on my top five list of favorite quotes.

The HiRes 90k implant or Johnny Five's pet mouse as I like to call it has a sidekick, the Harmony Processor. On the outside, the Harmony resembles a behind-the-ear hearing aid on steroids. The only difference is that it has a small cable with a quarter-size magnet at the end. The components work together in perfect harmony (pun intended).

Harmony Processor on the left - HiRes 90k Implant on the right.

So what does this Harmony do? It processes sound. :) The Harmony has two built in microphones that listens for sound and sends it to the processor or the mini computer. The mini computer converts the sound from analog to digital.

A prime example would be if you have digital cable service. You decided to give up the trusty rabbit ears and upgrade your service to digital. The big clunky box that the cable man brought over is a digital converter. It converts analog TV signal to digital. The result is a clear picture and increased audio clarity. I can vouch for the picture but the audio do not quote me on.

After all that digitalizing that goes on up in that processor, it ships the signal up the cable and into magnet at the end (transmitter) which transmits the signal to the magnet on the implant (receiver). The implant takes the signal, sends it down the tail to the electrodes that are wrapped around the cochlea. When the electrodes receive this signal, they stimulate the auditory nerve by sending out little jolts of electricity or firing that my brain will interpret as sound.

In essence, I will be available if you need something posted on the refrigerator since a magnet is always an ear away. :) I kid, I kid.

Every clarification breeds new questions.

Since I posted my entry about HiRes 90k Implant, I have received a flood of questions. So I thought this is the perfect place to answer them!

1. Is it instantaneous that I will hear? Nope folks, I have to wait to be turned on (Details to follow) and get your mind out of the gutter.

2. Will it cure my hearing? No, there is a 50/50 chance that it might work or not work for me. It will just help me have the sense of hearing. My type of hearing loss is sensorineural hearing loss. It means that a majority of the hair cells on my cochlea bite the dust. The only possible cure is stem cells, which I am not holding my breath for.

3. Am I getting both ears done? I am just getting the left one done but I am not nixing the idea of going bilateral in the future. The idea of hearing in stereo is something I have not done since I was 12.

4. What will my recovery be? Let me tell you what it is going to be like. It is going to me sitting on my fat derriere in my recliner watching HGTV all day with my “private cook” at my every beck and call. However, I should be back to my sunny little cubicle in a week.

5. What are the side effects? Oh, your usual run of the mill anesthesia reactions, facial paralysis, numbness, change in taste, dizziness, and meningitis that I have already taken the vaccine to prevent. Before you freak out, the pros outweigh the cons tremendously for me. To be honest, the only thing that was weighing on my mind is the facial paralysis. Until, I discovered during the course of surgery I will be hooked up to a facial nerve monitor just in case the surgeon gets a little too close for comfort, it will ring the alarm.

6. Are you scared? Not right now. I am jittery more then anything. Who knows how many pairs of shoes I will buy from now to then .

7. How do they perform the surgery? For whatever demented reason that you wish to watch how this surgery is performed, your viewing pleasure is located here, Cochlear Implant Surgery If I tried watching that, TIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMBEEEEEER! Abbie goes boom.

8. Why did I pick Advanced Bionics Company over Cochlear Americas or Med-EL? Anyone who knows me will know I do my research about a product. The information that I gathered about the companies themselves, reliability, customer support, technology and the room for advancement without further surgery was overwhelming. When it came crunch time, I felt AB’s devices felt the most comfortable and comparable to the familiar settings that I have with my hearing aid. I felt that the benefits that Advanced Bionics offers is more in tune with my lifestyle.

9. Is one company superior to the others? From what I read, current CI users say no but they will back their product up. It comes down to what will work for you. Cochlear Americas seems to have a larger market of implantees. Advanced Bionics and Med-EL has had some recalls on their product in the past. I feel that because a product has had some recalls does not mean they are substandard. These products are still made by humans who screw up.

10. Am I excited? You bet your bottom dollar I am! Any hearing that I could gain from going through all this will be like winning the lottery.

I have procrastinated enough. I must fold the damn t-shirts.

Au revoir folks.

The twisted irony of it all...

For the first time since February, I was forced to use my cell phone for something other then texting. On my way home from work, I saw a minor car accident. Before I proceed, it was not a bad one. Everyone was fine but a bit shaken up which is to be expected. It was about 200 feet away from me, and I did not hear the crunching metal-to-metal, plastic snapping, and rubber squealing associated with my own personal experience in car accidents. I grabbed my cell phone and headed over to see if anyone was hurt. Everyone had ten fingers, ten toes, and no bleeding. Thank goodness, no one was bleeding because the sight of blood makes me pass out. I would have needed an oxygen mask. Then it hit me that I had to call 911.

WHAT!? How am I suppose to do that?!

I think I went as white as my dress. My initial thought was to hand my phone off to someone else. I was surrounded by the parents of the baby boomer generation and none of them looked technologically perceptive. Note that I am not passing judgment but you just had to see the group of folks. I started to walk away staring blankly at my phone trying to form my introduction speech for when I dial 911. Then a lightening bolt hit me! A very dear friend of mine was training to become a 911 operator. She gave me the scoop on what order they ask questions. If I state the information in that order that it would minimize the operator asking me question. Now, what was the order again?

I remember her telling me that they always ask the location first, and then the emergency.

Check!

I remember her telling me that they will ask if anyone hurt.

Check!

I remember her telling me that they will ask your name and telephone number.

Check!

Easy as pie, I could do this. I dialed 911 and hit send.

*gulp*

I turned my hearing aid way up and I heard the faint ringing sounds. It sounded like 5-6 rings before someone picked up. Someone finally picked up and it sounded like

- 911, what is your location? (Hot damn, my friend was right!)

I calmly relayed the mental script to the operator with the introduction that I am deaf, please bear with me. I did not hear a few things but after several repeats, I eventually understood. It was successful call for the most part. I continued to wait until the cops got there. Then my cell phone starts buzzing and I look at the number. I did not recognize it but maybe it was cops because they have not arrived yet. Here we go again....

-Hello
-Abbie?
-Yes?
-Do you see the police officer?
It actually sounded like dew utee list officer to me.
-No, I do not.
I reiterated the location again.

Before my next breath, the cops arrived.
Whew... I was shaking in my sandals...

Today is one out of the next 25 days to go.

And how does this New York Yankee fan spend her day? Sweating about two pounds off over the course of four hours and it was worth every ounce :)

Today was spent at the New York Yankee Stadium on the HOTTEST day of the summer. I knew it was going to be a scorcher when I started my car up to see the temperature being 86 at only 9 o'clock in the morning. We got to there by bus and it dropped us off a few block away from the stadium. The minute you stepped off the bus you felt the frenzy and the excitement. It is something that you never forget once you go experience, but each time is like the first. It is the perfect example of deja vu. I was hoping to be part of history while my favorite player Alex Rodriguez made his 500 home run. Alas, that did not happen because the score was 13-8.

This is the first game I had attended since my sudden drop in hearing. With the assistance of the multi million-dollar sound system that the Yankees have in their stadium, I could feel the beat of certain songs. The faint rendition of Star-Spangled Banner that was played in the beginning was barely there. I will tell you what I did hear. The roar of the crowd, the cheers, the clapping, and the chants. The sheer volume was wonderful. It takes a crowd of 54,869 for me to be able to hear something without my hearing aid. Not too shabby :)

That was the last game with my hearing aid. The next game I go to will be in the new New York Yankee Stadium which is opening up in 2008. I will be sporting my new toy for that one, magnet attached and all. I wonder how it is going to sound then. It will be a new experience all around. It will not feel the same since the new stadium will lose its vintage ambiance that the old one has. Then how could it sound the same? It will be something to look forward to in the future with a sense of nostalgia in the air.