Johnny Five's pet mouse.

This is it folks. This is the Advanced Bionics HiRes 90k Cochlear Implant in all its glory. One of THOSE is going in my head! It looks like Johnny Five's pet mouse. It is a super tiny computer, a magnet, and tiny wires with 16 electrodes at the end of it that will be inserted in my ear. The complexity behind this little doo-dad is mind boggling...

From what I understand, after they knock me out with the happy juice, they are going to make an incision behind the ear to make a little well in my skull for the magnet to sit so it does not float all over my head. The magnet is that little silver watch battery looking object surrounded by clear plastic. Then they proceed to drill a hole through the mastoid bone to insert the tail that follows the natural contour of the cochlea. The best way I can describe the cochlea is a snail shell. The next step would be for the audiologist to fire up the implant to make sure that it is working. Then pending the results of that, the incision is stitched up and my head is wrapped in a pressure bandage. Not sure what that is, but it sounds sadistic. At some point, they will wake me up, and stuff some Jell-O down my throat and then ship me home with a designated driver the same day. Sounds like a walk in the park...