Springtime a'coming!

My good friend who happens to be the very best neighbor you could ever have, brought over these absolutely gorgeous bright yellow tulips! A subtle reminder that springtime is just around the corner! The chill in the air is subsiding, the grass will become soon become full and lush, flowers will begin to blossom and I will be outside working on my green thumb.

You know what else comes with springtime – birds, those warm-blooded, feather tickling, egg laying, beak wielding, wing flapping and poop depositing creatures that at the start of every spring manages to set up residence on one of my many trees in the yard. Its a time I look forward to every year and I am so rolling my eyes as I type this.

I never did develop a strong affection for birds. Puppies, yes! Cats, yes! Goats before they ram me in my ass, yes, afterwards, not so much but birds, never. It all started when I was holy terror of a child and I fell asleep with my hearing aids on one night. I was abruptly awakened to the sound of a dove cooing in my ear. The very notion of disturbing my beauty sleep at four thirty in the morning coooooing was a big fat no-no. I woke up and ripped my hearing aid out only to discover the cooing had sufficient time to impregnate my subconscious. Never forgot to take my hearing aids out after that unfortunate incident.

For months, all I heard was the shrilling coo of that friggen bird, isn’t it amazing how prepubescent brains retain memories. Not one person sympathized with me because every time I complained the response was always the same, “oh! I love doves!” – bite me alright, just bite me. Since that morning, I never bothered them, they never bothered me and it helped that I could never hear them unless one squawked right in my ear but last week, I slammed my car door and I stopped and just listened…

~ dee-dee-dee, chip-chip, toolool, toolool, toolool ~

~ chip-chip, dee-dee-dee ~

I turned around and in the distance, I saw a silhouette of hundreds of blackbirds adorning the treetops. They were frolicking from branch to branch, gliding through the air and playfully pecking each other on the head. The combination of all of them cheerily chirping away together was such a wonderful and organic musical experience. I was tickled pink on how well my cochlear implant was picking up the chips and chirps. Ten minutes later, I walked into my house with a newfound appreciation of bird songs!

The next morning, I noticed the sun was beginning to crest over the trees as I closed the front door and the only thing I could hear was the nearby traffic. As I approached my car, my eyes frantically scanned my entire car. I was floored by the sight of how much bird poop was on it and just before I went to mutter a few choice words but then a familiar chorus of cheery friggen chirping began. I turned around and there they sat atop the tree branches admiring their artwork. I swear that they were all laughing at me.

Now that I have come to appreciate what comes out of their beaks, I still don’t appreciate what comes out of the other end.