Monday, March 24, 2008

Springtime a'coming!

My good friend who happens to be the very best neighbor you could ever have, brought over these absolutely gorgeous bright yellow tulips! A subtle reminder that springtime is just around the corner! The chill in the air is subsiding, the grass will become soon become full and lush, flowers will begin to blossom and I will be outside working on my green thumb.

You know what else comes with springtime – birds, those warm-blooded, feather tickling, egg laying, beak wielding, wing flapping and poop depositing creatures that at the start of every spring manages to set up residence on one of my many trees in the yard. Its a time I look forward to every year and I am so rolling my eyes as I type this.

I never did develop a strong affection for birds. Puppies, yes! Cats, yes! Goats before they ram me in my ass, yes, afterwards, not so much but birds, never. It all started when I was holy terror of a child and I fell asleep with my hearing aids on one night. I was abruptly awakened to the sound of a dove cooing in my ear. The very notion of disturbing my beauty sleep at four thirty in the morning coooooing was a big fat no-no. I woke up and ripped my hearing aid out only to discover the cooing had sufficient time to impregnate my subconscious. Never forgot to take my hearing aids out after that unfortunate incident.

For months, all I heard was the shrilling coo of that friggen bird, isn’t it amazing how prepubescent brains retain memories. Not one person sympathized with me because every time I complained the response was always the same, “oh! I love doves!” bite me alright, just bite me. Since that morning, I never bothered them, they never bothered me and it helped that I could never hear them unless one squawked right in my ear but last week, I slammed my car door and I stopped and just listened…

~ dee-dee-dee, chip-chip, toolool, toolool, toolool ~

~ chip-chip, dee-dee-dee ~

I turned around and in the distance, I saw a silhouette of hundreds of blackbirds adorning the treetops. They were frolicking from branch to branch, gliding through the air and playfully pecking each other on the head. The combination of all of them cheerily chirping away together was such a wonderful and organic musical experience. I was tickled pink on how well my cochlear implant was picking up the chips and chirps. Ten minutes later, I walked into my house with a newfound appreciation of bird songs!

The next morning, I noticed the sun was beginning to crest over the trees as I closed the front door and the only thing I could hear was the nearby traffic. As I approached my car, my eyes frantically scanned my entire car. I was floored by the sight of how much bird poop was on it and just before I went to mutter a few choice words but then a familiar chorus of cheery friggen chirping began. I turned around and there they sat atop the tree branches admiring their artwork. I swear that they were all laughing at me.

Now that I have come to appreciate what comes out of their beaks, I still don’t appreciate what comes out of the other end.


Anonymous said...


That's one of the funniest bird stories I've read in a long time!

It put a smile on my face, yup, it's spring all right when you hear the birds chirping and see their artwork on your car.


David said...

Birdie birdie in the sky,
dropped some whitewash in my eye.
I'm not worried, I wont cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.

Abbie, as usual great writing, you had me with sling shot in hand ready to take on the first crow of the season.
Toooooooo funny!

Anonymous said...


As always, I love your observations -- you have such a wild and wonderful and woolly perspective and only you could make bird poop lyrical!

I hadn't thought very hard about bird sounds before, but speaking of crows, I suppose it's a very good thing that Li-Li is deaf and without her CI in the early am. Otherwise her first words would have likely been something along the lines of "*$#@* $%&@ roosters!" which one or the other of us expresses emphatically at 4:30 every morning when our 4 roosters greet the day with a chorus of crowing. Not exactly textbook AVT.

Anonymous said...


As ALWAYS a wonderful blog to read! Uplifing and hysterical at the same time. Comedy at its best!


Valerie said...

See I told you, we need a good story about daily life.

We have a set of birds building a nest outside our portable at school. They sing all day l-o-n-g. Day one, excited I hear birds. Day two, listen to that beautiful music. Day fifteen, janitors can you remove this bird nest before I remove my cis....please.


Jennifer said...

The birds hit up hubby's car's a nice bright green and the poo shows up very nicely against the green backdrop. Ugh!
I had a gull poo on my head at the beach last year, so I'm not big on birds myself. I'm looking forward to being able to hear what they sound like in a few weeks, though! :)
David's comment cracked me up...I'd never heard that before!!

Candy said...

hahaha! Well, I'm thankful I can hear bird sounds with my hearing aid..if it wasn't for the honks of the geese, I'd be bombarded with droppings! Geese traffic is heavy above my driveway since my driveway is mid-point between a pond and a lake.

Kim said...

I miss bird calls. We like to go birding with the local audubon society. I can never hear the calls, which is an important part of birding, but when I go with hearing people they tell me what it sounds like. I think it would be wonderful to hear them!

Anonymous said...

Good lord i cant stand bird poop as they make a jolly mess of it and harder to get it off when you wash the car !!!!
Whenever i see a bird near our car i get the water bottle and squirt the bastard and they still come back .. whats next .. slingshot eh ??? *evil cackle*

Karen Mayes said...


I never heard birds until I got AVR's ImpaCt hearing aid 7 years ago... oh wow, I heard so many things that I had to ask the neighbors about the noises. They'd listen to me attemping to sound out the noises and then they'd listen to the "air" and tell me what kind of bird it was. It was fun.

Seagulls are LOUD (there are hundreds of seagulls in Rochester, NY, due to Lake Ontario.)

Dianrez said...

Thanks for the tickle of the day! I love birds, as long as they keep their distance and definitely not position themselves above me or my car!

Karen, know what you mean about loud seagulls...even without a hearing aid, one can sometimes feel their calls through the car windows.

We like to park in restaurant lots on windy days and watch the seagulls hover in the air, playing on the air currents to angle for the best tidbits. Spring is here!

Shari said...

Awww. Newfound appreciation of birds till they remind you not to park underneath them.(Who knows, maybe the birds had a contest? LOL-okay, not so funny.)

We have a pair of ringneck doves. They belt out a welcome song every time I go down to the basement and do laundry. My kids would tell me that the birds are cooing when we are on the main floor. I can't hear them unless I am in the basement.

Anonymous said...

Hi Abbie!

OMG.. goat rammed you in the ass before? You gotta tell the story!! Poor you! lol

LMAO.. very funny story!! I used to have birds as pet along with cats. Yes, they all got along great so I loved birds for sure but one thing I always wonder what their sounds is like because all I ever hear about is how beautiful their sounds is when they chirp or when they sing.

Eh.. don't remind me of birds poop on the car!! That is the most annoying ever but I still love birds.. oh and I love doves!! :-D

Want to hear something funny? I always have windex in the car as well as paper towel just so I can be ready to spray and clean it when I see one. I refuse to drive around with white spots on it. ha ha!


Sam said...

Need I remind you the Canadian Geese have yet to return from their annual vacation?

Unknown said...

I love spring and fall. I love hearing the birds singing (I am thankful that I can hear with the help with powerful hearing-aids). I love seeing the animals playing around outside and seeing the kids enjoying the weather.

Flowers are slowly coming out

Raining in the Northwest said...

I love the way you write so eloquently! Not often do I encounter one who wields the English language masterfully like you do. Kudos.

Like your rant about the birds--I've been lucky to not have been a target of their droppings.. however you should see them if they spot themselves in a mirror.

Just yesterday I was in my car and looked over to the car next to me. This little finch was looking at himself in the side mirror. Then he started jumping at the mirror. Repeatedly. For a good five minutes. He was attacking his own image! Wish I caught it on film. It's alwasy hilarious when animals see themselves in a mirror and they freak. It just befuddles them that they're behaving just exactly as they are.