Tuesday, September 02, 2008

The Sounds of Music...

As it would seem that the older I get; the more avant-garde my moments of lacking comprehension seem to get. Either my superb lip reading skills have diminished in the past year or my brain is becoming particularly innovative when watching the zygomatic motion play an intricate part of shaping the lips in such a fashion that I am supposed to comprehend. Even though I have a cochlear implant, I still have incomprehensible moments of where I am left with a rosy kaleidoscope marbled across my face but this moment I must share with you all.

I was spending a lovely evening at home this past weekend, watching television and ooVooing with my bionic belle, Jennifer and my buddy Wayne from around the way. Mother dearest was doing her own thing looking through the online TV guide when she came upon the movie, The Sound of Music. I have never watched the movie but then again, like many movies, they were not available with closed captioning when I was younger. However, we live in a dawn of a new closed captioning era and all the movies I have been so wrongfully deprived of, I can now watch. The capacity of knowledge for the Sound of Music was limited but I knew there was a lot of singing involved from commercials. I made a general announcement on ooVoo that the aforementioned movie was coming on which prompted Jennifer to belt out to the tune of B flat, you guessed it - the Sound of Music. I thought I would have loads of fun with this serenading my two onlookers with my sounds of music, which I will vehemently admit is akin to the Tasmanian devil mating.

And surprisingly enough, I had managed not to butcher the Do Re Mi song when I did my amateur rendition. My mother started a conversation shortly afterwards about a doorbell that my cousin has that chimes after a song in this movie. However, I was having minor difficulty in understanding the name of the song.

“Abbie, I was talking to Patty one day and I heard her doorbell. It chimes anal rice!”

I'm pretty sure I heard that wrong.

“Excuse me?”

“Anal Rice, it’s a name of a flower.”

That’s an odd name for a flower and a song. I furrowed my brows and looked confused.

“Now, it’s a flower?! I thought it was a song.”

“Yes, its a name of a flower and the name of the song in the movie... Anal Rice”

That can’t be right. I’m totally confused. My mother grabs her laptop, starts surfing on the information highway to YouTube to bring up the mysterious anal rice song that doubles as a flower.

“Did they play it yet?”

“No, but here it is!” She presses play on YouTube and I clearly have never heard this song before.

“So this song is...?”

“Anal rice.”

Jennifer and Wayne are listening to this entire conversation. They could clearly tell by the look on my face I did not comprehend the mysterious song title.

“I’m sorry Mom; I don’t understand what you are saying.”

“Anaaaaal rice!” She learned forward, spoke very slowly here and enunciated every word while I damn near went crossed eyed focusing on her lips.

“Are you seriously saying anal rice?”

She flares backwards in hysterics. gasping for air and turning red. I figured she was okay as long as she wasn't turning blue. But it confirmed that she wasn't saying anal rice after all. After a few moments, she recollects herself and puts on her straightest face.

“An-nal rice.”

I shake my head. I did just not understand this. I type in the chat box to Jennifer and Wayne that my mom is talking about anal rice.

“I still think you are saying anal rice. IM it to me?”

My mom, still having a grand old chuckle, feverishly searches for a piece of paper and a pen. “No! I’m writing this out.” I knew she meant business. She wrote out the name of the song and/or flower and passed it over to me and it read - Edelweiss.

"You do know that it looks like you are saying anal rice." She mouthed into a mirror and confirmed that it did. Like I was going to make up that something looks like anal rice on the lips!

“Oh that makes more sense.” Shortly thereafter, Von Trapp family started singing Edelweiss. I listened but it still sounds like anal rice no matter who said it, sang it or screamed it. I can say that I successfully ruined my mothers perspective of the song. She decided to include the lovely doorbell owners in the loop via email...

Hello Stroh and Patty,

Let's call this "Fun moments with the deaf. :)

While talking to Patty one day, your doorbell gave off a very melodious tune of "Edelweiss". Now explaining to this to a deaf girl sans head hardware was rather an experience unto itself. Explaining to Abbie who was in lip-reading mode at the time about the flower and song "Edelweiss" has prompted this message.

From now on unto the time when the doorbell ceases to work, the tune of "Edelweiss" will be known as "Anal Rice" as the lip formation of this word looked just like I said exactly that!

With this little bit of mirth and love to all three of you, I bid you goodnight hoping this finds you all in good health.


I think my mom might be right, I am seriously over due for a mapping...


Jarom R. Matheson said...

OH MY GOD! I laughed so hard when I read about anal rice! Am still laughing so hard about that! You totally ruined my perspective about Edelweiss flower.

You're not the only one that thought you hear something else while it mean other. I can't think of one example off my head at this moment.

Thank for a laugh!

Jennifer said...

It was even funnier being there when it all happened. My husband came in just now and asked if we were singing again tonight...he doesn't see that side of me very often ;).I was counting on Wayne's connection being bad enough that he wouldn't be able to hear me, and you loving me enough that you would keep me as a friend no matter how bad I sounded ;)!
You kept saying, "Anal rice? Anal rice?" and I was thinking, "this girl has gone all froot-loops on us here..."...You have changed Edelwiess forever for this girl, as well!! :)

Alex said...


Abbie, Abbie, Abbie hahahah.

I remember when my boss told me to "fuck you". I said "you want me to what?"

Boss: Fuck.. you

Me "I know thats not what your saying but it looks like your saying fuck you"

Boss goes into a laughing fit, walks over to the vacuum cleaner and says VAC-UUM!!

Me "oh, ok"


Laurie said...

Oh my gosh! I know how crazy you and Jen get on ooVoo! That is funny! You crack me up!

I love the Sound of Music. . . it was the first movie I ever saw in a movie theatre in the 1970's. My mom sat next to me and told me everything that was being said and what was going on. I'm sure she sacrificed her own enjoyment of the movie just to narrate it for me.

What would we do without our mothers? You are lucky to have yours with you!

Hugs, my dear friend! Laurie

Jennifer Bruno Conde said...

Too too FUNNY!

Ruined the song for me too, but it's okay. I rather like this new version!


Valerie said...

Only you can come up with that!!! My goodness I can't stop laughing. I needed that today. So after you watch the movie, watch my favorite "Footloose"

Sam said...

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!! I even lip synched it and you're right, they do look the same. But ummm, do you seriously think you need a mapping or maybe mom is speakin' pure Joiseyism!?

Anonymous said...

Oh man. Asian chick over here is going to have the hardest time eating sushi now. :P

Too bad I was on the road when you IM'd me other wise I could have been on this wonderful ooVoo exchange as well. *sigh*

I'm sure there will be many more to come!

Any similar comedic condundrums with Star Wars???

Miss ya kiddo,
~ tc ~

Anonymous said...

HA HA! That is hilarious, Abbie!! All I can think of now are tapeworms. (where 'anal rice' would actually be a good description, ugh) LOL

There was a dance song from the 90s about Edelweiss...it's stuck in my head now. :) I've never seen The Sound of Music myself, isn't that weird?!

~ Wendi

Cloggy said...



Anonymous said...

I'm worried about you. Apple dumping. Anal Rice.

Do you notice the theme here!



Unknown said...

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!The laugh of the month! Hysterical...anal rice - I will never look at my plate of chinese food quite the same way again.
You kill me!
I miss you...my computer finally works and all my visitors have gone by by...I have so much catching up to do. Hugs! Jodi

Anonymous said...

OMG abbie you really need to notch up ya mapping or more of lipreading dear !!!!

Same thing happens to me when mum said duck tape i screwed up my face and said you mean duck tape how can we use the duck for taping.. she wrote it down duct tape OMG i was soo embarrassed and we both cracked up laughing.

aka Tassielady (_!_)

Mistabone said...

You're not alone Abbs! I amuse my friends with mispronounciations often, a mapping would really help! I still wonder why the quality of sound dulls over time??? Good posting though! LOL

Unknown said...

LOL that was too funny :D i know my kids and bf get a huge kick out of me repeating them wrongly, thing is they never let it go until i see how funny it was and laugh, i tend to get angry when they correct me, geez i'm the mom i'm suppose to do the correcting around here....
Anyways that was cute :) and that also makes lip reading a blast sometimes lol.
Now one of things i'm looking forward to after i can hear with my CI is to rewatch and understand the old musicals being "the Sound of Music" on the top of the list...yes i have a long list of musicals :D Can't wait to hear Grease and Dirty Dancing for what it really is :)

Unknown said...

LOL that was too funny :D i know my kids and bf get a huge kick out of me repeating them wrongly, thing is they never let it go until i see how funny it was and laugh, i tend to get angry when they correct me, geez i'm the mom i'm suppose to do the correcting around here....
Anyways that was cute :) and that also makes lip reading a blast sometimes lol.
Now one of things i'm looking forward to after i can hear with my CI is to rewatch and understand the old musicals being "the Sound of Music" on the top of the list...yes i have a long list of musicals :D Can't wait to hear Grease and Dirty Dancing for what it really is :)

Shari said...

You crack me up, girl. LOL.

Just the other night, my teenaged daughter and I were talking about high school and she said something about how uptight some teachers are.

"Yeah, some people are anal about things." She was laughing at me.

"What?" I say.

She says, "Mom!! It's ay-nal. Not an-al."

Me, "It's ay-nal? Not an-naL?"

I can still cruify the pronunication of words. LOL.

Vivie said...

oh my god..and I'm a fun of this movie ...LOL!!

I had a similar reaction , only that lipreading that word in Greek is sooooooo much ruder than 'anal rice'

I cracked up again..can't stop..Kudos for your mum to try and educate you even after this good laugh!!

Oh my god I won't be able to forget that any time soon..

Cotter Pen said...

I never really knew what funny was until my cochlear implant and fill in the blanks and best guesses. Of course, there is also the wonderful world of television closed captions.

VBnBama said...

you should send that in for that book we're doing for charity. You'd be listed as the author but details are on my blog and Rachel's.
If you don't want to send this one maybe you have another you wouldn't mind donating. All entries go to deafcistories.gmail.com
later girl...you are hilarious, I've had to show this one to everyone.

Manda said...

this is brilliant and classic moment but then you are not the only one who get this wrong its normal. how long have you had the implant so far? I'm still wearing hearing aids and waiting for the ops to come..

not long ago I was walking with my friend and we were talking about bus pass and I honestly thought he says "freeview" for some reason. i was getting puzzled and thought we were talking about the bus passes and not digital tv stuff. so I said "freeview?" huh? he was laughing he meant to says "Free for you" oh silly me but thats how i read his lips! class!

I look forward to see your next post. take a look at mine. I'm still new to this and Im checking out everyone blog!


Manda said...

not sure how to reply to your msg from my blog. i think i should post it here.

I am waiting for the pre - ops then i will have the operation shortly after. But the problem is that i will be going on a holiday to aus in a month time so i guess they are going to wait til i am back in November. I reckon november will be the date for the ops.

I am really impressed with your graph and i can see its a lot of improvement with lots of practice. so good for you. :)

the mapping thing everyone was saying... "mapping" sound like an odd word to me maybe tuning is a right word. but then i dunno. how does this work? some blog i have read people were saying that they sometimes don't hear what they wanted to hear then go back to tune up and got all back... are we robot or something???

let me know what is the best way to contact you to reply to your msgs

Abbie said...

I want to thank everyone for their comments, I'm glad you all got the biggest kick out of my anal rice issue. I can say with my latest mapping, I can now understand how it is truly pronounced

Ay-del-vice :)

Abbie said...

Hi again Manda! You can either leave a comment on your blog or you can comment on mine, or you can even email me. The choice is totally up to you :)

If you take a look at my activation video which is captioned, you will see the three processes with the Advanced Bionic Harmony processor. The process of mapping is a strange one but when you think about the process of how scientist try to find genes on a chromosome which is called mapping, you will find the process is quite similar to the CI. The CI and the software is trying to find the right frequency in your cochlea by the way of electrical stimulation. We have many nicknames for the mapping process, tune up is one of them, adjusted, tweaked, put in the shop and the list goes on and on. Have you decided which brand you are going to go with?

Anonymous said...

Oh. My. God. How did I ever miss this hysterical post when it first went up? Edelweiss was one of my favorite Sound of Music tunes ever. Like everyone else, you've ruined it for me-- but that's OK because I'll never think about it again without laughing my ass off.

Gary Finding said...

The Rice was obviously comical-However jesting aside i do want to say thankyou. I have just come from "Ambling Ramblers blog" to find yours and you are both doing an amazing job of putting your life online.
Not only is that an inspiration to "anyone" having difficulty who cannot place info online. It is also very helpful to me as i am a fully hearing person looking at how being deaf/hard of hearing effects people. I have recently started a bsl course (literally just learnt fingerspelling and basic signs) and i was amazed to find i cannot "say" what i want to someone who has difficulty hearing. Finding the signs online has become almost impossiple.
well put together site.
well done.

Unknown said...

That is funny. But of course it happens to all people.

Have you ever seen the site http://www.kissthisguy.com/, feature "misheard" lyrics?

The site title is based on a Jimmi Hendrix song where he says "Excuse me while I kiss the sky", but it sounds like "Excuse me while I kiss this guy".

Unknown said...

And until today, I never understood Manfred Man Earth Band song "Blinded by the light"