The Sounds of Music...

As it would seem that the older I get; the more avant-garde my moments of lacking comprehension seem to get. Either my superb lip reading skills have diminished in the past year or my brain is becoming particularly innovative when watching the zygomatic motion play an intricate part of shaping the lips in such a fashion that I am supposed to comprehend. Even though I have a cochlear implant, I still have incomprehensible moments of where I am left with a rosy kaleidoscope marbled across my face but this moment I must share with you all.

I was spending a lovely evening at home this past weekend, watching television and ooVooing with my bionic belle, Jennifer and my buddy Wayne from around the way. Mother dearest was doing her own thing looking through the online TV guide when she came upon the movie, The Sound of Music. I have never watched the movie but then again, like many movies, they were not available with closed captioning when I was younger. However, we live in a dawn of a new closed captioning era and all the movies I have been so wrongfully deprived of, I can now watch. The capacity of knowledge for the Sound of Music was limited but I knew there was a lot of singing involved from commercials. I made a general announcement on ooVoo that the aforementioned movie was coming on which prompted Jennifer to belt out to the tune of B flat, you guessed it - the Sound of Music. I thought I would have loads of fun with this serenading my two onlookers with my sounds of music, which I will vehemently admit is akin to the Tasmanian devil mating.

And surprisingly enough, I had managed not to butcher the Do Re Mi song when I did my amateur rendition. My mother started a conversation shortly afterwards about a doorbell that my cousin has that chimes after a song in this movie. However, I was having minor difficulty in understanding the name of the song.

“Abbie, I was talking to Patty one day and I heard her doorbell. It chimes anal rice!”

I'm pretty sure I heard that wrong.

“Excuse me?”

“Anal Rice, it’s a name of a flower.”

That’s an odd name for a flower and a song. I furrowed my brows and looked confused.

“Now, it’s a flower?! I thought it was a song.”

“Yes, its a name of a flower and the name of the song in the movie... Anal Rice”

That can’t be right. I’m totally confused. My mother grabs her laptop, starts surfing on the information highway to YouTube to bring up the mysterious anal rice song that doubles as a flower.

“Did they play it yet?”

“No, but here it is!” She presses play on YouTube and I clearly have never heard this song before.

“So this song is...?”

“Anal rice.”

Jennifer and Wayne are listening to this entire conversation. They could clearly tell by the look on my face I did not comprehend the mysterious song title.

“I’m sorry Mom; I don’t understand what you are saying.”

“Anaaaaal rice!” She learned forward, spoke very slowly here and enunciated every word while I damn near went crossed eyed focusing on her lips.

“Are you seriously saying anal rice?”

She flares backwards in hysterics. gasping for air and turning red. I figured she was okay as long as she wasn't turning blue. But it confirmed that she wasn't saying anal rice after all. After a few moments, she recollects herself and puts on her straightest face.

“An-nal rice.”

I shake my head. I did just not understand this. I type in the chat box to Jennifer and Wayne that my mom is talking about anal rice.

“I still think you are saying anal rice. IM it to me?”

My mom, still having a grand old chuckle, feverishly searches for a piece of paper and a pen. “No! I’m writing this out.” I knew she meant business. She wrote out the name of the song and/or flower and passed it over to me and it read - Edelweiss.

"You do know that it looks like you are saying anal rice." She mouthed into a mirror and confirmed that it did. Like I was going to make up that something looks like anal rice on the lips!

“Oh that makes more sense.” Shortly thereafter, Von Trapp family started singing Edelweiss. I listened but it still sounds like anal rice no matter who said it, sang it or screamed it. I can say that I successfully ruined my mothers perspective of the song. She decided to include the lovely doorbell owners in the loop via email...

Hello Stroh and Patty,

Let's call this "Fun moments with the deaf. :)

While talking to Patty one day, your doorbell gave off a very melodious tune of "Edelweiss". Now explaining to this to a deaf girl sans head hardware was rather an experience unto itself. Explaining to Abbie who was in lip-reading mode at the time about the flower and song "Edelweiss" has prompted this message.

From now on unto the time when the doorbell ceases to work, the tune of "Edelweiss" will be known as "Anal Rice" as the lip formation of this word looked just like I said exactly that!

With this little bit of mirth and love to all three of you, I bid you goodnight hoping this finds you all in good health.

Fran

I think my mom might be right, I am seriously over due for a mapping...